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Spicy Stewed Plumcakes and Delerium Icecream

or, How to fit an entire encyclopedia into your larynx

Apples bleed white, kiwis bleed green
Welcome to the beautiful Pacific Northwest, home to the Whistling Oyster tavern in Quilcene, the lake where a woman's corpse turned to soap, the largest concentration of alcoholics in any given area, and a large-eyebrowed chick with a fondness for loud, atrocious music and Gulag poetry.